Wednesday, May 31, 2017

11

she asked
'you are in love
what does love look like'
to which i replied
'like everything i've ever lost
come back to me.'

Nayyirah Waheed

Thursday, May 11, 2017

8

Those days were spent in quest– the quest to settle your own life, and now the search has ended. Your imagined happiness is yours. Therefore, you lose your old bearings. On the one side is your happiness and on the other is your past– the self you were used to, going through life alone, heir to your own experience.

Once you commit yourself, everything changes and the rest of your life seems to you like a dark forest on the property you have recently acquired. It is yours, but still you are afraid to enter it, wondering what you might find: a little chapel, a stand of birches, wolves, snakes, the worst you can imagine, or the best.

You take one timid step forward, but then you realize you are not alone.
You take someone’s hand….and strain through the darkness to see ahead.

The Lone Pilgrim, Laurie Colwin 

Saturday, April 22, 2017

Friday, March 24, 2017

Heavy-lifting


Sometime last year, I experienced what could possibly be the worst day of my life. 

That night, my sister and I laid in bed side by side: talked about anything and everything, nervously making plans that we hoped would never materialise. We spoke about the unsettling quiet in the house, the expectations, and the love that is almost indistinguishable from resentment and exasperation. The most suffocating thought came with the resignation that we cannot erase our lives - that we couldn't change our family nor our circumstance. We can only change who we are in relation to them. We can revise how we narrate the stories in our lives, and no more. 

I guess it is easier to speak about it now because I can finally see myself moving on (in more ways than one, and quite literally as well) I've never been a person to miss a place, and I'm glad that I can finally say there's nothing left here for me. Change hurts, but I'm glad it is really, truly over.